I need to write up and follow how different things alter my mood on a day-to-day basis in an attempt to cure myself of the last haunting bits remaining from a 3-week period of anxiety and panic attacks and maybe even whatever remains of my depression, without meds. I owe myself trying to treat myself well and seeing if it makes a difference before going on meds.
I've been moderately depressed for most of my life, at times in a seriously bad condition, but it's been manageable and I've felt in control usually. However, now I've developed a fear of aging and dying and disease. It feels like I have difficulties telling apart other negative feelings from anxiety, at the moment. It's getting better slowly, but it's incredibly uncomfortable. Before my brief period of anxiety, I was eating well and even exercising. After, I've eaten junk and haven't cooked at all nor have I exercised. Yesterday I brought home an adopted kitten which is currently hiding behind the closet and kept us awake at night meowing.
It's 11:41 am and I haven't yet eaten or smoked. I've taken a vitamin D pill and an Omega 3-pill, which I haven't taken since my anxiety was at it's worst. I'm going to take magnesium and drink a green smoothie (banana, baby spinach, flax seeds, dates, oatmeal) and then exercise (Blogilates) once I finish writing this.
Before Sunday I had been drinking alcohol for five or six days, not a lot, but still every day, and smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, give or take a few. I'm also planning to change my birth control from pills to something else.
Reached goals:
- Able to work normally
- Able to be home alone
- Able to watch and enjoy TV and films again
- Not being triggered by old people
- Not crying during sex and enjoying it again
- Recognizing it's a difficult age, especially when lacking ambition and working a shitty dead-end job
